In chapter 4 of my book Mind Hacking for Rebels, I write about self-esteem and self-confidence. Lack of self-esteem is what most people want help with, when they come to me. The most common questions I get are:

  • How do I build better and stronger self-esteem?
  • How do I become kinder to myself and like myself more?

There are many good ways to build stronger self-esteem and liking yourself more. Good self-esteem includes being proud of who you are. A game-changer that creates pride in us is to be honest and tell the truth.

Telling the truth is important in order to be proud of ourselves. When we don’t tell the truth, we break our code of honor, we become liars and the self-esteem is eroded. To make us feel better, we often create a subcategory of lies - white lies. We can lie to make it easier for us, to protect ourselves or to not hurt others. The problem with the white lies is that they are still lies and can erode our pride and self-respect, even if they are small. Some lies may slip through, but if they become too many, our self-esteem will be adversely affected.
How do you become honest?
A good step can be to not always reply "everything is good" automatically when someone asks you how you feel. Start saying how you feel, for real. It doesn't have to be a long exposition, a short answer is enough. Another step may be to be honest when you don’t have the energy or desire to meet someone. Often, we come up with excuses such as having to take care of the children, do the homework, work or fix the car, and then we lay down on the sofa and watch Netflix. We don’t want to disappoint the other person and we’re scared of being judged, so we come up with a rational explanation that sounds better than saying that we want to lie on the sofa. Be honest. Show that the person is important to you by booking a new meeting later. If the person is disappointed, accept it. Maybe even see it as a compliment. The person had been looking forward to meeting you, which means you are important to that person.
Speaking the truth will sometimes be a bit scary. People will be angry, annoyed and disappointed. Some may not understand you or refuse to comply. But if you want to maintain self-respect and self-esteem, be authentic and genuine, you need to be honest. Start small. How can you be more authentic and honest with who you are?
I’m still working on being more honest with myself and others. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes the fear flutters in my stomach and sometimes the fear paralyzes my entire body. However, I strive on, and every time I choose to be honest it becomes easier and I feel proud of myself.
Being honest with yourself
Sometimes we have been dishonest for such a long time that we no longer have a clue who we really are. Many clients come to me with a desire to get to know themselves and to find out what they want. They want to find their passion, purpose and joy. Addressing these big issues can seem overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be that way. Honesty is the first step to finding your inner home. Then you will find your passion, your purpose and your joy.
Use your scouting skills and discover where you can be more honest, both with yourself and others. Remember, being honest doesn't mean being brutal or mean.

You would think that if you got evidence that your belief is wrong, it would go away. Nope! Do you know how many clients I have worked with that have high-level university degrees, and they still feel stupid or that they have no qualifications. You might recognize it as the imposter syndrome. Beliefs can run our life, even if they are not true.Learn to question them

Well, not literally. But finally, I have signed a contract with a large international book publisher and it is time for the English version of MIND HACKING for rebels to be published worldwide. There will be an E-book on all international platforms and a physical book in stores next year. Gosh, I'm nervous. I have already been booked for various US podcasts to talk about the book and I feel incredibly insecure about speaking English, because I do it so rarely. It is one thing to work with English-speaking clients because it is slow and I have time to think. But speaking quickly and spontaneously expressing myself in English is a completely different matter. I lose the grammar and what things are called. So now I have booked August, a private tutor at Perfect English to help me. Wish me luck!